[59]

I'm on Spring Break. It hasn't quite sunk in yet, but I'm hoping it will tomorrow. I've been wasting my time away watching Lie to me* which is a fanTAStic show. In reality, I should be getting ready for my UBC Music audition which is on Saturday. I'm really nervous.

[58] a tiny insight. link from t.

we’ve been friends for what? 3 years? apparently best friends for 2? maybe? that’s what you said anyway. it hurts to know that after all this time, you don’t care what I think. you’re brutally honest, and in an unnecessary way. you never value my opinion, you never want it. so why do I cherish yours? it hurts to know that you don’t value me as much as I value you, all other emotional feelings aside. it hurts to know that in your eyes, we’ll never be on a level field; I’ll always be lower you. you always try to prove it, whether it be through our grades, our smarts, our social lives, our ages. and most of the time, it doesn’t matter, I wave all the usual pain aside. what else can I do at school? you’re just one of a hundred people who hurt me every day. but now, the times where we’re supposed to be honest, and nice with one another. it’s when you hurt me the most. what should I expect? i shouldn’t have expected anything differently. we may put up fronts in front of other people, but I guess you put a front when you’re with me too. it’s really quite painful to know that you’re just like everyone else. you were a nice guy, once upon a time. I guess not anymore. so where does that leave me? the one person that I thought I could rely on at school. and now I have no one. I honestly have no idea why I thought you’d be different, as cliche as that is. I guess all I can do is bear through the next few months, and then I’ll be done. they all just don’t understand.

[57] thoughts.

they don’t even know. they have no idea. sometimes I wish they would all clue in, but at the same time, I don’t want them to find out. to judge me more than they already do. It’s fine. A few months and I’ll have a fresh start.

[56]

I'm becoming more obsessed with Italy. I want to learn Italian. I want to live there. Not in the touristy areas though, where there (excuse the obviousness) are tourists everywhere, and tourists stands. But classic Italy. The way it was all those years ago.

I've been redecorating my room. Slowly. But it'll be finished sometime. I hope.

[55]

Don't be afraid, it's only love.

[54]

Ohmycow. Noah Bartfield's on chat.

[53]

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